March, 2003
Before the War

Nov. 6, 2002
The Invisible Dog

Oct. 30, 2002
Tuesday Snooze Day

Oct. 23, 2002
Karaoke for Peace

Oct. 16, 2002
The World is Going to the Dogs

Oct. 9, 2002
Celluloid Evil

Oct. 2, 2002
Insert Headline Here

Sept. 25, 2002
Advertising You Can Really Chew On

Sept. 18, 2002
The Self-Haunted House

Sept. 11, 2002
The Latest Scoop on Fall TV Shows

Sept. 4, 2002
This Story is Pretty Cheesy

Aug. 28, 2002
All You Need to Know...Is In This Column

Aug. 21, 2002
Dead and Don't Know It

Aug. 14, 2002
The Old Switcheroo

Aug. 7, 2002
Posing As Einstein -- Minus the Weird Hair

July 31, 2002
How to Kiss Those Extra Pounds Good-Bye

July 24, 2002
The Sounds of Silence: Ka-ching!

July 17, 2002
The Nina, the Pinta and the Shiatsu Maria

July 10, 2002
One Nation, Under Lunch...

July 3, 2002
Picking Up Where Ann Landers Left Off

June 26, 2002
A Log Cabin That Isn't Syrup

June 19, 2002
A Near-Death Experience

June 12, 2002
Sixteen Candles -- Give or Take a Few Billion

June 5, 2002
Mr. Potato Chip Head

May 29, 2002
Food That Talks

May 22, 2002
The White Picket Fence Doubles as a Torture Device

May 15, 2002
Instant Iceberg: Just Add Water

May 8, 2002
MarcusWelby.com?

May 1, 2002
Porcelain Gods and Monsters

April 24, 2002
Invasion of the Killer Teapot Lids

April 17, 2002
Hello, Dolly

April 10, 2002
The World is Going to the Dogs

April 3, 2002
Medieval Metal

March 27, 2002
We're Naming the Baby Biscuit if it's a Boy

March 20, 2002
Waiting for a Good Punch Line

March 13, 2002
You Want Fries With This Column?

March 6, 2002
If the Shoe Fits...

Feb. 27, 2002
Patriotism is for the Birds

Feb. 20, 2002
Future Oscar Contenders

Feb. 13, 2002
Biodegradable Barbie and Low-Cholesterol Ken

Feb. 6, 2002
Rethinking the Olympics

Jan. 30, 2002
Billionaire Baby to the Rescue

Jan. 23, 2002
Terminator II: Groundhog Day

Jan. 16, 2002
Read My Lip Balm

Jan. 9, 2002
Off-Kilter Liquidation Sale

Jan. 2, 2002
Laughter is the 5th-Best Medicine

Dec. 26, 2001
2001: R.I.P.

Dec. 19, 2001
Trial By Firing Squad

Dec. 12, 2001
Menorah Mania

Dec. 5, 2001
Tips for the Shopping-Impaired

Nov. 28, 2001
Life Imitates Art

Nov. 21, 2001
The Future's Uncertain and the End is Always Near

Nov. 14, 2001
The Dating Game

Nov. 7, 2001
Eat Your Spinach, Dude

Oct. 31, 2001
How About Filling the Fish Tank With Gin?

Oct. 24, 2001
Coming Soon: Broomsticks With Airbags

Oct. 17, 2001
Playing Mind Games With John Lennon

Oct. 10, 2001
Liquid Ants, Last Meals and Bert Meets Osama

Oct. 3, 2001
The War On Terrorism: A Look Back From 2002

Sept. 26, 2001
Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho, a Politically Correct Life for Me

Sept. 19, 2001
Short Headlines Good

Sept. 12, 2001
Here's a Song You'll Never Find on CD

Sept. 5, 2001
The Career Counselor from Hades

Aug. 29, 2001
The Gary & Connie Show

Aug. 22, 2001
Robots and Spam in the News

Aug. 15, 2001
Is It Art or Is It Eczema?

Aug. 8, 2001
Excedrin Headache No. 226

Aug. 1, 2001
Mummy Murderers and Designer Barf Bags

July 25, 2001
Sophisticated Kneecaps and Hotel Morticians

July 18, 2001
It's the End of the World As We Know It

July 11, 2001
PBS Takes a Stab at Reality Programming

July 4, 2001
Giant Brains and Empty Heads

June 27, 2001
Movie Sequels We'd Like to See

June 20, 2001
Honky Tonk Seafood

June 13, 2001
`Oldies for Oldsters'

June 6, 2001
My Other Car is a ... Time Machine

May 30, 2001
What's Next -- Braille Bumper Stickers?

May 23, 2001
Guns Don't Kill People, Bathrooms Kill People

May 16, 2001
Snake-aholics Anonymous

May 9, 2001
The Source of All Weakest Links

May 2, 2001
Solving the Energy Crunch with
Bibles and High-Voltage Aquatic Life

April 25, 2001
Silly Wabbits and White Rabbits

April 18, 2001
When Bad Lyrics Happen to Good Songs

April 11, 2001
Liberty Bell Survives Near-Death Experience

April 4, 2001
In Search of Some Really Good Grass

March 28, 2001
If They Only Had a Brain

March 21, 2001
Brother, Can You Spare a Diamond?

March 14, 2001
Fly the Friendly (Woof) Skies

March 7, 2001
The Era of Edible Tires and Robot Birds

Feb. 28, 2001
Darwin Meets The Gambler

Feb. 21, 2001
The Latest Scoop on Funerals

Feb. 14, 2001
Missing Remotes and Migraine Masterpieces

Feb. 7, 2001
A Meal to Die For

January 31, 2001
Praising the Lord and
Keeping in Tune with the Times

January 24, 2001
Some Wild Ideas for the New White House

January 17, 2001
Maybe It's the Decade of 'The Ginger'

January 10, 2001
Wild Monkeys and Pamela Anderson:
Can This Year Get Any Better?

January 3, 2001
One Nation, Invisible, With
Liberty, Justice for Sheep

December 27, 2000
Putting Faith in Our Four-Legged Friends

December 20, 2000
Why Santa Can't Use
Compact-Only Parking Spots

December 13, 2000
We're Off to See...
a Politically Correct Oz

December 6, 2000
Pool Safety Lesson: Don't Eat the Furniture

November 29, 2000
Ahh, the Season of
Giving...and Recounting

November 22, 2000
Throw Another Log, er, CD On and Relax

November 15, 2000
Clothing That Goes Snap, Crackle, Pop

November 8, 2000
Things to Ponder While
They Recount the Ballots

November 1, 2000
Bloodsuckers Issue:
Bats and the Candidates

October 25, 2000
2001: A Political Odd--yssey

October 18, 2000
Technology Isn't Just For the Living

October 11, 2000
Candidate Is Pulling the Wool Over Their Eyes

October 4, 2000
Chants on the Charts
and Penguins on Their Feet

September 27, 2000
Campaigning to Be Your White House Lackey

September 20, 2000
Not Your Average Joe

September 13, 2000
Would You Like Caviar With Your Cable, Sir?

September 6, 2000
What Would Jesus Drive?

August 30, 2000
Rat Hammocks and Other Inventions

August 23, 2000
For Whom the Poll Tolls

August 16, 2000
I Know Why the Caged Bird E-Mails

August 9, 2000
Finally, a Candidate Who
Admits to Getting Baked

August 2, 2000
'Scream IV: The Invasion of Martha Stewart'

July 26, 2000
Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull a Movie Outta My Hat

July 19, 2000
Emperor Chic: Splash It On or Just Splash In

July 12, 2000
Lift-Off in an Hour and I Haven't a Thing to Wear

July 5, 2000
Survey Says...

June 28, 2000
When Bad Things Happen to Big Boys

June 21, 2000
Martha Stewart Meets Gilligan's Island

June 14, 2000
Lock 'em Up or Blow 'em Up

June 7, 2000
A Bug's Life? Or Get a Life?

May 31, 2000
Feng Shui and Other Mysteries of the Universe

May 24, 2000
Looking for Love in All the Swamp Places

May 17, 2000
Oceanfront Condo for Morris? Sandbox Heaven

May 10, 2000
What's the Frequency, Dennis?

May 3, 2000
Finally, the Presidential Race Gets Interesting

April 26, 2000
It's the Economy, Stupid

April 19, 2000
Bigfoot Dining--Napkin Optional

April 12, 2000
Casting a High-Tech Spell

April 5, 2000
Raging On Through History