Lame Lyrics (Reprise):
Its time for another installment of lyrical lunacy,
in which we investigate the idiotic world of rock and
Our first category is dumb words to otherwise decent
songs. And the winner, submitted by reader Logan Runger,
is Tim McGraws When She Wakes Up,
which contains this conundrum: Lord, I dont
wanna be here in the morning, when she wakes up and finds
me gone. Uh, how could she find you gone if
youre still there? Unless youve managed to
discover a formula for turning invisible.
Another well-known dumb lyricist is Dewey Bunnell of
America, who penned A Horse With No Name
with its classic verse: The heat was hot.
As opposed to lukewarm?
Bunnell told Wireless Flash News Service that he now
cringes at some of his own lyrics, especially the double
negatives in Tin Man (Oz
never did give nothing to the Tin Man) and
A Horse With No Name (Cause
there aint no one for to give you no pain).
Bunnell insists he speaks correctly in regular life and
cant explain why his grammar slips during
Our final category is misheard lyrics, also known as
mondegreens. Recent favorites (courtesy of the San
Francisco Chronicle and www.thechicagoloop.net/lyrics)
-- Steve Winwoods Bring me a higher
love misinterpreted as Bring me
an iron lung.
-- The Polices When the world is
running down, you make the best of whats still
around transformed into you make
the best homemade stew around.
-- Paul Simons Mama dont take my
Kodachrome away recast as Mama,
dont take my chromosomes away.
-- The Beatles When Im 64
mangled into Will you still need me, will you
still feed me, when Im 6-feet-4?
-- Another misheard Beatles lyric involved the
girl with kaleidoscope eyes from Lucy
in the Sky with Diamonds. Mondegreen version:
The girl with colitis goes by.
-- But our top prize goes to a discombobulated
interpretation of Patti LaBelles Lady
Marmalade. The real line is Voulez-vous
coucher avec moi, ce soir? But at least one
person thought LaBelle was propositioning Bigfoot:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Sasquatch?
Lawsuit of the Week: Love Your Neighbor
Corp. of Michigan is suing the Love Thy Neighbor Fund Inc.
of Florida for trademark infringement, according to the
Quote of the Week: Composer L. Russell
Brown, who co-wrote the dreaded Tie a Yellow
Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree, had this to
say about a new dance version of his song inspired by the
American spy plane crews ordeal in China:
Every time theres a hostage situation,
I make money.
Great Moments in Secret Service History:
During the 1982 White House Easter egg roll, the Secret
Service agent standing next to Ronald Reagan was dressed
as the Easter Bunny.
Alarming Trends Bureau: Texas barber
Bill Black, who sells fertilizer made from human hair and
who once tried to create the worlds largest hair
ball, has announced plans to write a cookbook full of
hairy recipes, such as pizza that uses powdered human
hair instead of flour.
This could be a boon for restaurants: Waiter,
theres a hair in my soup! Answer: Yes,
And no doubt there will soon be knockoff recipes made
Supermarket Tabloid Headline of the Week: Space
Aliens Stealing Souvenir Ashtrays From Restaurants!
(Weekly World News)
Wireless Flash News Service.
Copyright © 2001 by Roy Rivenburg
Distributed by Creators