Lunatic Fringe Bureau: In
the aftermath of last weeks hammer attack against
the Liberty Bell, a Philadelphia shopping mall has
created a giant get-well card so people can express
words of encouragement to the ailing monument.
The bell-shaped card is located at the Franklin Mills
shopping center, beneath a 25-foot-tall talking Benjamin
The Log Supper: In case the previous
item didnt convince you the nation has gone
completely bonkers, we now take you to San Francisco,
where a conceptual artist named Nicolino is about to
unveil a 1,000-pound bra ball
sculpture made from brassieres donated by supermodel
Naomi Campbell and 20,000 other women. Nicolino, who
previously wanted to fly a 40,000-bra tapestry over the
White House using 10 breast-shaped helium balloons, says
the new masterpiece will conclude his involvement in bra-based
Fortunately, Nicolino isnt the only artistic
visionary in our midst. A Michigan organization called
Dog Scouts of America is teaching canines to paint. And a
Catholic school in Northern California is selling a chainsaw carving of The Last Supper
hewn from an ancient redwood. The 1-ton artwork is being
auctioned on eBay. The piece is described as impossible
to duplicate -- it took one man, one log and divine
inspiration to create.
In other art news, the TV Land cable network, which
recently erected a statue of bus driver Ralph Kramden (a.k.a.
Jackie Gleason) at New Yorks Port Authority Bus
Terminal, just commissioned a Minneapolis statue of Mary
Tyler Moore tossing her hat in the air.
So why travel to the Louvre or Prado when theres so
much great art in the United States? This reminds us of a
recent incident at Houstons Museum of Fine Arts. As
recounted by writer George Will, a construction crew was
working in the sculpture garden and placed a velvet rope
in front of a bronze bas-relief and covered the art with
burlap for protection. When a gust of wind later loosened
the burlap and exposed part of the artwork, workers
overheard museum visitors discussing the deep
symbolism and implication of the artist having covered
his work in burlap and why he allowed the public only
partial access to what was there. Visitors
also pontificated on the appropriateness of
the texture of the burlap in relation to the medium used.
And what the use of the velvet rope meant in
juxtaposition to the base materials.
Bad Influences Bureau: The chief medical
executive at a British insurance company claims that
Teletubbies give children the message that its OK
to be fat.
On the other hand, maybe that will balance out messages
from Barbie dolls that women should have 18-inch waists.
Weird Polls: 65 percent of people who
file their tax returns early also roll their socks into a
ball when folding laundry, according to a survey by Ikea.
This is Your Brain on Drugs: A New
Mexico psychiatry professor studying the effects of DMT,
a psychedelic drug, reports that half his subjects
hallucinated visits from space aliens, talking crocodiles,
bees or midget clowns.
Furby II Alert: The company responsible
for 1998s annoying Furby toy craze is about to
unleash a sequel called Shelby, a fuzzy talking clam with
a 275-word vocabulary.
Supermarket Tabloid Headline of the Week: Dead
Mom-In-Laws Teeth Still Nagging After 12 Years! Fed-up
Couple Call in an Exorcist to Shut the Dentures Up!
(Weekly World News)
This gives us an idea for a new Furby toy called Zomby, a
fuzzy pair of dentures with a 275-word vocabulary.
Unpaid Informants: PR
Newswire, Wireless Flash News Service, www.internetwire.com,
Studio Briefing, Terry Mattingly.
Copyright © 2001 by Roy Rivenburg
Distributed by Creators